Its been a month....Lately its been easier. But today it is hard, I miss Ricky very much. One month down, Five to go.

Okay let me back up a bit....

Ricky is my fiance. He is incarcerated....he was sentenced to a year on a gun charge. Yes I know, it sounds horrid, but let me tell u the story before u begin to judge. I met Ricky in may, I was outside smoking a newport on my steps, he was walking across the street. He spotted me and walked over. We made small talk...he asked me if I smoked...I said I did. He told me he would come back. He did...we smoked and talked about everything.He told me about the crimes he committed. He told me he was a gang banger. He just told me everything; for no reason. He called me his psychiatrist I called him my friend. He found me funny, i found him interesting. After that he would come over a couple times a week. He made it clear he was persuing me; I shut him down. I was seeing Orlando.  He had been my b/f for about 3 months.

 So i ended up getting pregnant by Orlando. He pushed me into having an abortion. I got pregnant in July, Orlando deserted me for six weeks. By week 5 I was really feeling Ricky. I started to cheat on Orlando with him...We spent  every day together, i slept in his bed every night. He told me to keep the baby, he would raise it. Which was funny b/c him and Orlando have the same  last name...Rivera.  I decided to have the abortion any way. Orlando came back. I left him officially on September 10. I remember this because Ricky had court the next day. Orlando came to my house; we were outside. Ricky was across the street. when I spotted him I darted across the street. He walked away from me...I grabbed him. He was drunk. I asked him where he was going. He said to his cousin's house. He said "That is Orlando isnt it?" I told him it was. He said to me "go be with that nigga. Im going to jail any way." I told him nah I want you. He told me to go "tell that nigga then." I did....and walked away from Orlando.

The next day Ricky went to court. He was being sentenced. I spent the day crying...listening to shadow of the day, by Linkin Park. i heard the doorbell ring. I ran down the stairs thinking it was orlando, he kept coming to the house to patch things up. Instead it was puerto rican prince. He had the biggest smile on his face. I kissed him like I never kissed ne one before. The judge continued the case for 8 weeks. I was estatic. But if Ricky went to jail, I had planned to go back to Orlando.  In the last 2 months we spent together we were insepreable. I didnt sleep in my own bed. We ate all our meals together. I was introduced to his entire family. He dropped his colors. We went to church. We quit smoking, drinking, and even swearing. He worked on his bad temper. We went to church every week. I brought him home to my parents. He ate dinner at my table. He got a job at a construction company. He dropped all his friends....and We were completly in love with eachother. We were the couple I always wanted to be. We were the couple my friends were jealous of. I quit stripping, gave up my sugar daddies...He became my other half....i truely believed he was my soulmate. He called me beautiful every day. Made me breakfast in bed, washed me in the shower, we made love several times a day, he was the best i ever had, played crazy 8's and rummy, debated at his kitchen table, he sang to me, we played peek a boo in the sheets, and held hands as we slept. It was beautiful. He asked me to marry him. I said yes; because he is the love of my life.

November 6, the day after our anniversary he went to court. We prayed, prayed, and prayed. Ricky apologized for putting me through it all.He was so confident he wasnt going to jail....he was wrong. As the judge sentenced him to a year I gasped. I couldnt breathe. How could this be happening? How could God let my other half get dragged off by a fucking baliff in front of me? I begin to cry; someone was rubbing my back, I think it was his aunt. Someone asked if i was going to be ok. After they put my beautiful Puerto Rican Prince in hand cuffs and took him away. I got up and walked out the court room.As I was leaving I saw the look of pity from the inmates, the people who had cases, and their families. I walked home. I didnt talk to his parents. I just left Ricky had tons of letters of support. He changed his life....but the consequence has to be paid.

I write Richard every day.  I miss his voice. I miss his smile. And it hurts like hell. Because he is my other half....I am missing a part of me.